“I don’t know the key to success but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” – Bill Cosby
All of us has encountered the People Pleaser. This is the person who is everyone’s friend. This is the person who agrees with everything you say, laughs at all your jokes (no matter how bad they are), and has the same interests as you and the same dislikes as you. If you said black, they would say black. If you changed your mind and said white, so would they. But how sad is this? Could you imagine trying to ensure the happiness of everyone you ever met? Could you imagine bearing the responsibility of accommodating everyone you know?
If you’re like me you’re probably thinking, “Why would anyone want to live like that?”
Who knows? It’s not that these folks don’t have dreams and ambitions of their own but it’s safe to say that their road to success will be littered by unnecessary fear, worry and lack of focus. Their concern will be for what others will think of them as opposed to simply doing what needs to be done in order to achieve their goals. Their focus will be on making everyone around them happy, while making themselves miserable in the process. They will sabotage themselves by limiting their goals to what they perceive as safe and non-threatening to others around them.
There’s no two ways around it; People Pleasing always comes at the expense of the Pleaser. The People Pleaser has decided at some point in their life that they cannot handle rejection nor can they cope with the thought that someone might actually dislike them. Their main objective is to gain the acceptance of everyone they come in contact with, even if it means contradicting their own beliefs and values along the way.
Success, as I have stated before is not complicated. Success is doing what is necessary and good to move closer to your goals. It requires focus and discipline. And sometimes that discipline will offend others along the way. Why? Because you cannot please everyone no matter how hard you try. Like the saying goes, “You can please some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”
All of us has encountered the People Pleaser. This is the person who is everyone’s friend. This is the person who agrees with everything you say, laughs at all your jokes (no matter how bad they are), and has the same interests as you and the same dislikes as you. If you said black, they would say black. If you changed your mind and said white, so would they. But how sad is this? Could you imagine trying to ensure the happiness of everyone you ever met? Could you imagine bearing the responsibility of accommodating everyone you know?
If you’re like me you’re probably thinking, “Why would anyone want to live like that?”
Who knows? It’s not that these folks don’t have dreams and ambitions of their own but it’s safe to say that their road to success will be littered by unnecessary fear, worry and lack of focus. Their concern will be for what others will think of them as opposed to simply doing what needs to be done in order to achieve their goals. Their focus will be on making everyone around them happy, while making themselves miserable in the process. They will sabotage themselves by limiting their goals to what they perceive as safe and non-threatening to others around them.
There’s no two ways around it; People Pleasing always comes at the expense of the Pleaser. The People Pleaser has decided at some point in their life that they cannot handle rejection nor can they cope with the thought that someone might actually dislike them. Their main objective is to gain the acceptance of everyone they come in contact with, even if it means contradicting their own beliefs and values along the way.
Success, as I have stated before is not complicated. Success is doing what is necessary and good to move closer to your goals. It requires focus and discipline. And sometimes that discipline will offend others along the way. Why? Because you cannot please everyone no matter how hard you try. Like the saying goes, “You can please some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”
Pleasing the Right People
While pleasing everyone will pretty much guarantee you a life of disappointment and failure, pleasing the right people has its share of rewards. It’s all about knowing the difference. So who should you be trying to please? Well, I’m a simple guy and I don’t believe in complicating things, so this question is a no brainer for me. I have a short list of people you should be trying to please on a regular basis.
A) You.
B) Your family.
That’s it. Are you miffed? Were you expecting some lofty Zen-like revelation? Sorry but that’s not this guy. I’m the Common Sense guy remember?
When it comes to pleasing your family and yes, even yourself, there has to be a level of integrity and pride involved. Sacrificing what you want for what your family wants requires a level of integrity. Knowing that you made a commitment to them to provide for them and protect them requires integrity. Giving them your very best requires integrity. The evidence of what you do for them is shown by their appreciation for you, which allows you to take pride in yourself. That pride spills over into what you do at work, what you do outside of your home, what you do in your leisure time, your personal pursuits and your hobbies. Everything you do is done with excellence because you take pride in yourself. You don’t do what you do to please everyone. You don’t do it for eye service. You do what you do for you and for your family. The results just speak for themselves. You find your Boss saying, “Great Job.” You find promotions coming your way because you have better results. All areas of your life are improved upon because you simply do what’s right and what’s best, even when no one is around to watch you.
A) You.
B) Your family.
That’s it. Are you miffed? Were you expecting some lofty Zen-like revelation? Sorry but that’s not this guy. I’m the Common Sense guy remember?
When it comes to pleasing your family and yes, even yourself, there has to be a level of integrity and pride involved. Sacrificing what you want for what your family wants requires a level of integrity. Knowing that you made a commitment to them to provide for them and protect them requires integrity. Giving them your very best requires integrity. The evidence of what you do for them is shown by their appreciation for you, which allows you to take pride in yourself. That pride spills over into what you do at work, what you do outside of your home, what you do in your leisure time, your personal pursuits and your hobbies. Everything you do is done with excellence because you take pride in yourself. You don’t do what you do to please everyone. You don’t do it for eye service. You do what you do for you and for your family. The results just speak for themselves. You find your Boss saying, “Great Job.” You find promotions coming your way because you have better results. All areas of your life are improved upon because you simply do what’s right and what’s best, even when no one is around to watch you.
None of your Business
Dr. Wayne Dyer absolutely nailed it when he said, “What you think about me is none of my business.”Think about it this way; it is impossible to please everyone. It is. You can’t do it. To worry about what others are thinking about you, really has nothing to do with you at all. What they think about you or anyone else for that matter is entirely their business. So why make it your business?
What they think about you is their opinion. So long as you live and exemplify the principals of integrity and personal responsibility, you can rest assured that you are doing what’s right and good and if it causes others to have a poor opinion of you, then oh well. Consider the source and move on.
Life is only as complicated as we make it. Go ahead and try to please everyone and see where it gets you. I can’t think of a better way to complicate life than by trying to be all things to all people. So keep it simple. Remember that others opinions of you are just that; Opinions. Mind your own business and do everything with excellence. In doing so, you might not please all the people but you will definitely please the right people.
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