It seems to me that there is a growing number of people today who are anxious to find answers to their many questions; questions like, how to be healthier, how to be happier, how to be wealthier, how to be successful, and so on and so on.
With so many people looking for the next “Secret To Success”, is it any wonder why so many Preachers, Motivational Speakers and Self Help gurus are in such high demand?
In the world of Self Help and Personal Development, there are numerous Speakers and Writers whose reputations precede them. The very mention of some of these peoples names sends folks into a virtual tizzy of excitement, giddiness and hero-worship. I marvel at their reactions and yet I feel as though I’m missing something here. But am I? Is there something that I’m not getting out of these “Celebrities” that I should be so unaffected by mentioning their name, let alone standing in the same room as them? I think not.
The fact is, there are many people who struggle with life and are searching for answers. There are some people who will latch on to Self Help specialists, Motivational Speakers, Life Coaches and even Preachers, hoping for a message, a new revelation, a silver bullet even, that will rescue them from their miserable circumstances. They are the ones whose intent might have been to seek out legitimate help and answers but slowly, over time, after reading all the books and watching all the videos they began to stop listening to their Mentors and began to elevate their Gurus to Celebrity status. Before long, their innocent search for answers became nothing more than hero-worship. They have stopped listening to the message and began fixating on the messenger.
If you’re in search of answers and you should happen across someone who has the answers that you’re looking for, be careful not to let yourself get caught up in the charisma of the messenger. Remember Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker? While it’s possible that they had started out with a message of help and hope, ultimately, for many, the celebrity of the Bakkers began to take away from their message, turning their followers into frothing fans who would have done just about anything the Bakkers told them to.
And what about James Arthur Ray and his “Spiritual Warrior Retreat” (a.k.a. - the Sweat Lodge fiasco)? Again, another instance where people stopped listening to the message and started to fixate on the messenger. While it’s possible that this guy may have had a positive message that might have been helpful to some, clearly, the notion of discernment and good common sense went right out the window for those who were so enamored by him that they literally died for him.
Let’s face it, we like celebrities. We like to fantasize about being rich and famous just like them. We would rather sit on our couch and watch the lives of fictional characters on TV portrayed by superstar celebrities than live our own lives. We would prefer to watch someone on TV tell us how to be better rather than actually getting up and doing something to make us better. We might actually listen to a Self Help guru and take their advice, but we would never dare question their advice. And that, in my opinion, is truly the root of this evil.
While seeking out help and advice is a sign of someone taking personal responsibility, blindly accepting help and advice without question or thought or formulation of opinion is a sign of sheer stupidity. Blindly following someone at the expense of losing your individuality and simply agreeing to everything they say makes you an idiot (ouch!).
The very definition of Self Help is Self-Help. Yes, your Mentor or Guru of choice might have some great things for you to learn from and yes, they might have the answers to your toughest questions, but they are there to help you help yourself. They are there to point you in a new direction, they are not there to be your direction. Such as the finger that points the way, we should focus on the way, not on the finger.
It’s my opinion that anyone who decides to take up an occupation in the Self Help profession undertakes an enormous responsibility. Your level of success should be based on the level of service you offer to others, not in the amount of how many screaming fans you have. And while it’s safe to say that there will always be those who will want to emulate you and follow your every move, your responsibility is to operate with humility and integrity. I understand that you cannot be responsible for the few that might want to find out where you live and sneak into your home while you’re asleep, but you have been warned. Much like Stephen King’s Misery, you might just happen across your “Number One Fan”.
Again, Self Help is about the Self. If you are truly devoted to bettering yourself, then by all means, seek out direction and advice. Lord knows, there is plenty of it out there (such as this article by yours truly!). And even though there are many charlatans ready to take your money and leave you in a worse state then where you were, there are many who truly want to help you. If you should find someone who really speaks to you, great; but do your homework. Don’t just take to their advice blindly. Listen to them, be discerning, be willing to give thought to their message and formulate your own opinions. And remember - it’s the message that you are in need of, not the messenger. The messenger is there to point the way. Focus on the way, not the messenger.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have numerous adoring fans for which I need to sign autographs.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Fly Paper
If people were like fly paper some of us would be covered in bugs while others would have maybe one or two stuck to them. Some people travel through this life picking up more than others. While both are like fly paper, some are just stickier.
There are those who walk through life picking up knowledge and information everywhere they go. No matter where they are or what they are doing, they are always learning and experiencing.
And then there are those who pick up a thing or two here and there but not much of it sticks. Basically, these are the people you do not want on your team when playing Trivial Pursuit.
In life, being smart does not mean you have to spend years and years in college nor does it mean you have nine Ph.D's behind your name. While these things don't hurt, they aren't necessary to be successful. In my opinion intelligence comes from simply opening your eyes and ears and shutting your mouth.
If you are eager to learn new stuff then learn how to pay attention to your surroundings and listen. Don't just wait for others to stop talking so you can finally have your turn to say something. Actually listen to what others are saying. You can't learn when your lips are flapping. You learn when your mouth is shut and your ears are open.
When you actually listen and pay attention to what's going on around you, your mind goes into Sponge-Mode. The information you can acquire is priceless.
As for college, am I saying don't go? No. This is not a lecture on whether or not someone should go to college. This is simply my opinion on how to use all the information around you to your benefit. It's free and it's available every single moment of every single day. And if you don't think you can learn something new each and every day, then it comes down to me to tell you that you’re wrong. Unless you’re in a coma, your mind should be able to soak up something new on a daily basis. Whether it’s useless trivia such as, on average, a child uses 730 crayons by their 10th birthday or a more relevant topic like, It takes 1.3 seconds for light to travel from the moon to the earth and 8.3 minutes for light from the sun to reach the earth, you should be able to learn something. (Bonus: by reading this, you just learned something new today)
So zip the lip, open the ears and eyes and tell yourself, "I will learn something new everyday."
It won't make you an instant millionaire but that's not the point. The point is this; being smart might cost you time, effort and even money. You will need to discipline yourself to shut the mouth and pay attention to what's going on around you. But all in all, no matter what the price may be for obtaining knowledge, it's still a whole lot more costly to be stupid.
So be sticky. Be like fly paper.
There are those who walk through life picking up knowledge and information everywhere they go. No matter where they are or what they are doing, they are always learning and experiencing.
And then there are those who pick up a thing or two here and there but not much of it sticks. Basically, these are the people you do not want on your team when playing Trivial Pursuit.
In life, being smart does not mean you have to spend years and years in college nor does it mean you have nine Ph.D's behind your name. While these things don't hurt, they aren't necessary to be successful. In my opinion intelligence comes from simply opening your eyes and ears and shutting your mouth.
If you are eager to learn new stuff then learn how to pay attention to your surroundings and listen. Don't just wait for others to stop talking so you can finally have your turn to say something. Actually listen to what others are saying. You can't learn when your lips are flapping. You learn when your mouth is shut and your ears are open.
When you actually listen and pay attention to what's going on around you, your mind goes into Sponge-Mode. The information you can acquire is priceless.
As for college, am I saying don't go? No. This is not a lecture on whether or not someone should go to college. This is simply my opinion on how to use all the information around you to your benefit. It's free and it's available every single moment of every single day. And if you don't think you can learn something new each and every day, then it comes down to me to tell you that you’re wrong. Unless you’re in a coma, your mind should be able to soak up something new on a daily basis. Whether it’s useless trivia such as, on average, a child uses 730 crayons by their 10th birthday or a more relevant topic like, It takes 1.3 seconds for light to travel from the moon to the earth and 8.3 minutes for light from the sun to reach the earth, you should be able to learn something. (Bonus: by reading this, you just learned something new today)
So zip the lip, open the ears and eyes and tell yourself, "I will learn something new everyday."
It won't make you an instant millionaire but that's not the point. The point is this; being smart might cost you time, effort and even money. You will need to discipline yourself to shut the mouth and pay attention to what's going on around you. But all in all, no matter what the price may be for obtaining knowledge, it's still a whole lot more costly to be stupid.
So be sticky. Be like fly paper.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Stuff
Many of us have stuff. Lots of stuff. Many of us have more stuff than we know what to do with. Yet, with all of this stuff, there is seldom a day that goes by that we don’t wish for more stuff; a bigger house; a newer car; another gadget (insert your toy of choice here_______.); a bigger TV; on and on and on it goes.
What is it with this desire to have more? Why do we keep wishing for more? To this I say, I am guilty. To be sure, I wouldn’t dare write out my thoughts on this subject without admitting that the very thought of this subject stems from my own experience and examples. I say it all too often, but it bears repeating; I am a student of life. Little of what I have to say is ever an attack on others’ behaviors and actions. Most of what I say is based on my own behaviors and actions. This one is no different.
When it comes to stuff, believe me, I have stuff. Stuff packed neatly in boxes with the notion “These are collector’s items. Can’t get rid of these!”. Stuff pushed into my nightstand because “I just need a day to go through it all.” Stuff in my closet that “I might wear this again someday.” Stuff in our Storage because “It’s sentimental.” I even have stuff in my sock drawers because “It’s easier to get at those things when I need them.”
Not a day goes by when I don’t find myself wanting more stuff. Whether it’s stuff to replace the stuff I already have, or just more stuff, I want it. I mean c’mon, who wouldn’t want a brand new iPad or a new 2011 Camaro? Just turn on your television at any given time and the commercials will assault you and entice you with their seductive ways, getting into your head and inspiring you to run out and whip out the plastic for some more stuff you really don’t need.
I mean, I really don’t need an iPad. I really don’t need a Camaro. Really, when it comes down to it I have more stuff than I will ever lay hands on and use, truth be told. I am ashamed to admit it, but I have a collection of movies that just sit on the shelf, unopened, collecting dust. Real good use of money there, right? ...well, maybe I can get around to watching those movies, but for now, they’re just taking up space...
In the wide-world of Tommy, there is this little thing I call balance. I love balance. Why? Because it keeps me centered. I mean what is balance really but finding the center and equally dispersing things to one side and the other? In my world of “stuff”, I am out of balance. I wouldn’t say I am completely out of whack and falling off to one side, but I would say that I have more than I need. But isn’t that true for most of us? Boil it down, and I guess when you talk about absolute necessities, we’re simply talking about Food, Clothing and Shelter. Toss in some Oxygen and Water and we’re golden. We can survive with those few things. But for those who would take such a rigid stance like this, once again, we’re out of balance.
While the necessities of life will always have their place, the wants in life also need their place. Our “stuff” needs a place where we can mess around with it and have some fun with it. Stuff needs a time and a place. It’s only when our stuff becomes more important than our necessities that we fall out of balance. I find that if my mindset is so focused on wanting stuff, I am cynical, envious and downright nasty. That selfish part of me rises up and rears it’s ugly head causing me to take out my frustrations of perceived lack onto the very people I love. Yuck! But when I sit my butt down and take a good look around me, I see that I have so much. “Count your blessings” is what I hear my folks telling me. Their words bounce around inside my head like an echo bouncing off a canyon wall. I begin to count my blessings and realize that I have too many blessings to count!
You see, the stickiest web we can get caught up in is the tendency to overlook and appreciate what we already have. All too often we focus on what we don’t have while all the good stuff we do have sits on a shelf collecting dust, just like those damned movies I have yet to watch.
What would happen if we all dug out our stuff and decided that if it hasn’t been touched in 3 months we put it away for another 3 months and revisit it? What would happen if we all dug out our stuff and said if it hasn’t been touched in 6 months it’s going to a Garage Sale? What would happen if we all dug out our stuff and said if it hasn’t been touched for over a year we gave it all to charity? Seriously, we all have stuff that falls into one of these categories but we just keep packing it away while we pile up new stuff on top of it all. Myself included.
I think it’s time to recognize how much we truly have. I think it’s time to appreciate everything we have. There’s a saying that goes something like this; “Before wanting what you don’t have, try wanting what you do have.” I mean, c’mon...is this message new to you? I sincerely hope not! I keep telling you all that my philosophies are not new and they’re not handed down to me from the heavens as unique revelations. These are the lessons we have all heard (I hope) but it’s my job to remind you of it all.
Count your blessings and focus on what you already have. Don’t worry about the new stuff out there. Trust me on this, there will always be new stuff out there. In a month, that wickedly cool gadget that has you drooling for it, will be replaced with a new and improved gadget that will once again have you drooling. So let it go. Balance out your wants and your needs. Balance out the stuff you have and the stuff you don’t have. Appreciate what you have first and foremost and when the time comes around for you to get the new stuff, you will appreciate it so much more.
What is it with this desire to have more? Why do we keep wishing for more? To this I say, I am guilty. To be sure, I wouldn’t dare write out my thoughts on this subject without admitting that the very thought of this subject stems from my own experience and examples. I say it all too often, but it bears repeating; I am a student of life. Little of what I have to say is ever an attack on others’ behaviors and actions. Most of what I say is based on my own behaviors and actions. This one is no different.
When it comes to stuff, believe me, I have stuff. Stuff packed neatly in boxes with the notion “These are collector’s items. Can’t get rid of these!”. Stuff pushed into my nightstand because “I just need a day to go through it all.” Stuff in my closet that “I might wear this again someday.” Stuff in our Storage because “It’s sentimental.” I even have stuff in my sock drawers because “It’s easier to get at those things when I need them.”
Not a day goes by when I don’t find myself wanting more stuff. Whether it’s stuff to replace the stuff I already have, or just more stuff, I want it. I mean c’mon, who wouldn’t want a brand new iPad or a new 2011 Camaro? Just turn on your television at any given time and the commercials will assault you and entice you with their seductive ways, getting into your head and inspiring you to run out and whip out the plastic for some more stuff you really don’t need.
I mean, I really don’t need an iPad. I really don’t need a Camaro. Really, when it comes down to it I have more stuff than I will ever lay hands on and use, truth be told. I am ashamed to admit it, but I have a collection of movies that just sit on the shelf, unopened, collecting dust. Real good use of money there, right? ...well, maybe I can get around to watching those movies, but for now, they’re just taking up space...
In the wide-world of Tommy, there is this little thing I call balance. I love balance. Why? Because it keeps me centered. I mean what is balance really but finding the center and equally dispersing things to one side and the other? In my world of “stuff”, I am out of balance. I wouldn’t say I am completely out of whack and falling off to one side, but I would say that I have more than I need. But isn’t that true for most of us? Boil it down, and I guess when you talk about absolute necessities, we’re simply talking about Food, Clothing and Shelter. Toss in some Oxygen and Water and we’re golden. We can survive with those few things. But for those who would take such a rigid stance like this, once again, we’re out of balance.
While the necessities of life will always have their place, the wants in life also need their place. Our “stuff” needs a place where we can mess around with it and have some fun with it. Stuff needs a time and a place. It’s only when our stuff becomes more important than our necessities that we fall out of balance. I find that if my mindset is so focused on wanting stuff, I am cynical, envious and downright nasty. That selfish part of me rises up and rears it’s ugly head causing me to take out my frustrations of perceived lack onto the very people I love. Yuck! But when I sit my butt down and take a good look around me, I see that I have so much. “Count your blessings” is what I hear my folks telling me. Their words bounce around inside my head like an echo bouncing off a canyon wall. I begin to count my blessings and realize that I have too many blessings to count!
You see, the stickiest web we can get caught up in is the tendency to overlook and appreciate what we already have. All too often we focus on what we don’t have while all the good stuff we do have sits on a shelf collecting dust, just like those damned movies I have yet to watch.
What would happen if we all dug out our stuff and decided that if it hasn’t been touched in 3 months we put it away for another 3 months and revisit it? What would happen if we all dug out our stuff and said if it hasn’t been touched in 6 months it’s going to a Garage Sale? What would happen if we all dug out our stuff and said if it hasn’t been touched for over a year we gave it all to charity? Seriously, we all have stuff that falls into one of these categories but we just keep packing it away while we pile up new stuff on top of it all. Myself included.
I think it’s time to recognize how much we truly have. I think it’s time to appreciate everything we have. There’s a saying that goes something like this; “Before wanting what you don’t have, try wanting what you do have.” I mean, c’mon...is this message new to you? I sincerely hope not! I keep telling you all that my philosophies are not new and they’re not handed down to me from the heavens as unique revelations. These are the lessons we have all heard (I hope) but it’s my job to remind you of it all.
Count your blessings and focus on what you already have. Don’t worry about the new stuff out there. Trust me on this, there will always be new stuff out there. In a month, that wickedly cool gadget that has you drooling for it, will be replaced with a new and improved gadget that will once again have you drooling. So let it go. Balance out your wants and your needs. Balance out the stuff you have and the stuff you don’t have. Appreciate what you have first and foremost and when the time comes around for you to get the new stuff, you will appreciate it so much more.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Leading By Example
Everyone of us is capable of being a leader or a teacher. Leadership is never about "I'm the boss and you will do what I say." Teaching, leading and motivating stem from the willingness to live out our lives with integrity, humility and discipline. When we adhere to these qualities in our own lives, we can rest assured that hypocrisy will not get a foothold on us. Few individuals respect or follow those whose mantra is "Do as I say, not as I do."
Leading by example is both simplistic and powerful. And if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times; success is simple. We are the ones who make it complicated and difficult. We need to keep life simple and leadership, whether it's business or family, professional or private, is no exception.
Like I said, all of us have the capability to lead and teach and direct others. Each of us has the capacity and the power to influence and inspire others. Whether we are aware of it or not, we are being watched. Someone is looking to you for answers and influence and that is an awesome responsibility. No man is an island unto himself so go into this life knowing that you are connected to so many people in so many ways. Nothing you do goes unseen.
The Bible says in Luke 8:17 - "For nothing is hid, that shall not be made manifest; nor anything secret, that shall not be known and come to light."
Leadership by example is not just about what you do when everyone is watching; it's about what you do when NO ONE is watching. It's not complicated. When you live by a code of conduct that does not waver in any situation or circumstance you can be certain that you need not tell others what to do. They will simply follow.
Leading by example is both simplistic and powerful. And if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times; success is simple. We are the ones who make it complicated and difficult. We need to keep life simple and leadership, whether it's business or family, professional or private, is no exception.
Like I said, all of us have the capability to lead and teach and direct others. Each of us has the capacity and the power to influence and inspire others. Whether we are aware of it or not, we are being watched. Someone is looking to you for answers and influence and that is an awesome responsibility. No man is an island unto himself so go into this life knowing that you are connected to so many people in so many ways. Nothing you do goes unseen.
The Bible says in Luke 8:17 - "For nothing is hid, that shall not be made manifest; nor anything secret, that shall not be known and come to light."
Leadership by example is not just about what you do when everyone is watching; it's about what you do when NO ONE is watching. It's not complicated. When you live by a code of conduct that does not waver in any situation or circumstance you can be certain that you need not tell others what to do. They will simply follow.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Balance
Balance is one of the most important aspects in life. It’s important in finances, business, our physical health and our mental health. It’s important in times of having fun and it’s equally important when it's time to be serious.
For all area’s of our life we must keep ourselves balanced. Going too far to one extreme will always cause us to suffer lack on the opposite end of the matter. A workaholic who spends all their time at the office will feel the pain of a neglected family life. An individual who refuses to exercise will feel the effects of a de-conditioned body, while the individual who exercises constantly could very well feel the effects of overworked physicality. Someone who lives to have fun will more than likely suffer from their inability to live up to their responsibilities, while an individual who cannot lighten up will most likely feel the effects of the stress that comes from not knowing when to take a break.
Many are quick to say “I want it all!” but the reality is that few can truly balance it all. Prioritization and Balance are essential to successful living.
For all area’s of our life we must keep ourselves balanced. Going too far to one extreme will always cause us to suffer lack on the opposite end of the matter. A workaholic who spends all their time at the office will feel the pain of a neglected family life. An individual who refuses to exercise will feel the effects of a de-conditioned body, while the individual who exercises constantly could very well feel the effects of overworked physicality. Someone who lives to have fun will more than likely suffer from their inability to live up to their responsibilities, while an individual who cannot lighten up will most likely feel the effects of the stress that comes from not knowing when to take a break.
Many are quick to say “I want it all!” but the reality is that few can truly balance it all. Prioritization and Balance are essential to successful living.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Big Time!
Yep, I can say it was a great day yesterday. Why? Because I was able to participate in my very first ever Interview! That's right! My friend Irene Conlan, who runs the Self Improvement Blog, asked if she could Interview l'il ol' me and of course I said, Yes! For a first timer, I gotta say I think it exceptionally well. Though it was a One Hour Program it flew by extremely fast, but like the old saying goes, "Time Flies When You're Having Fun."
And fun it was.
Check it here. http://www.worldtalkradio.com/
And be sure to check out Irene's Website here. http://theselfimprovementblog.com/
Enjoy! I will be back soon with more thought-provoking, discomforting, knock-you-down-lift-you-up articles, so be sure to check in.
Later!
Tommy
And fun it was.
Check it here. http://www.worldtalkradio.com/
And be sure to check out Irene's Website here. http://theselfimprovementblog.com/
Enjoy! I will be back soon with more thought-provoking, discomforting, knock-you-down-lift-you-up articles, so be sure to check in.
Later!
Tommy
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