Success Is...

...not just being able to see the end goal or the target, but being able to see and take all the necessary steps to GET you to your goal.
Chew on that one for awhile.
When you realize that each and every step you take on the road to your destination is a small victory in and of itself, you can't help but stay focused and dedicated to your success.
One good step leads to another good step and so on.
Keep the momentum rolling!

The Secret's Out

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work and learning from failure.” - Colin Powell

Wouldn’t it be nice if everything you did was a guaranteed instant success? Wouldn’t it be great if you never had to trouble yourself with those tiresome plans and goals? Or what if everything you ever wanted was as simple as just talking about it? What if you were perfect and never made mistakes?

Yeah, and if If’s and But’s were candy and nuts, we’d all have a Merry Christmas. At least, that’s what I tell my kids. Harsh, huh?

Sorry to break it to you (yet again!) but there are no secrets to success folks. So stop wasting your precious time looking for the proverbial Silver Bullet or Magic Wand. Stop wasting your time looking for shortcuts and use that time in a productive manner by actually working towards something instead of trying to beat the system.

You gotta remember that the system exists for a reason. It separates the Have’s and Have Not’s from the Will’s and Will Not’s. You don’t ever just “Have” something. You gotta expend the energy to get something. For example, if I want to have financial security for my future, I need to make the decision to save my money instead of spending it. If I am not willing to do this, then I will not have the financial security I so desire.

The opposite also holds true in my little theory here. You don’t just “Have Not”. If financial security is something you have not, then consider that your decisions have led you to this result. You didn’t get separated from the rest of humanity, doomed to an existence of no choice. Nope. You actually decided your fate when you were willing to spend your money on more junk you didn’t need instead of saving ten bucks. Again, you will not have that financial security because you were not willing to do the work required.

And what is so bad about hard work anyway? I see so many people spending more time, energy and resources to find shortcuts as opposed to just doing the work necessary to obtain a little success. They’re so clever at finding work-around’s but ask them to just roll up their sleeves and get to work and they are reduced to a four-year old who cries when they have to pick up their toys.

If success was so easy, then nobody would be successful. You gotta have losers in order to have winners. So too, we gotta have failures in order to have successes. Otherwise it’s all just the same. There’d be no need to have the will to do more or be more than the other guy. God may have created us all equally, but we get to decide if we will be better than the rest.

There just aren’t any secrets to success. Go ahead and search all you want for the quick and easy way, but it will only end up being a distraction from the real keys to success; Hard work, planning and learning from your mistakes. Better to invest your time in the proven methods than to waste your time on another gift-wrapped box of B.S.

Take Action

Actions speak louder than words.
Yeah, we've all heard that before but I just had to dust off this old chestnut and put it out there again. 
If you do only one thing today, take the time to revisit your goals. Consider everything you have yet to achieve and ask yourself the following:
What am I doing to move myself closer to my goals?
Have I been spending more time TALKING about my goals than DOING something to reach them?
Are my actions lining up with my words?
Be honest with your answers. You don't need to worry about trying to impress anyone here.
If you've fallen into the trap of All Talk, No Action then take the time to revisit your goals and get your butt back in the game. 
Pick something small or something that can be relatively easy to accomplish but just do something. Get some momentum going. You can create a snowball effect and roll on to the next smallest goal or you can take that same momentum and move yourself closer to one of your bigger goals. How you choose to take action is completely up to you.
If you've been talking the talk but ignoring the walk then it's time to lace up your shoes and get moving again. 
Get going.
 

Opinions

“Don’t have an opinion where you have no responsibility.” - Joyce Meyer
Opinions are everywhere. Some folks have an opinion on everything. Some folks will give their opinion whether you ask for it or not. Some people even get to make a living by offering their opinions. And if you’re reading this, guess what? You’re reading my opinion!
While I have no contention with opinion, I do take offense to the delivery and expression of them from time to time.
I say, if you want to create a platform for yourself so you can spew your every thought on every subject, go for it. This is America after all; freedom of speech is our Constitutional Right. If you can support your opinions, even better. But if all you want to do is throw your opinions around with the intent to discredit or degrade an opposing view, we will have a problem you and I.
I have seen conversations turn ugly real quick because someone lacked the ability to know when to shut up. Can you say diarrhea of the mouth?
I have seen friendships dissolve on account of someone who couldn’t keep their opinions to them self. I have heard opinions on matters that the person had absolutely no clue of what they were talking about.
I have seen people issuing their opinions in matters that have no bearing on them whatsoever. But the worst crime of all, the one time I might actually feel as though censorship might be a good thing, is the person whose “Opinion” is really just a mindless agreement to the Hot Topic of the moment.
Seriously, words fail me...
So when is it the right time to open your mouth and let everyone know what you think? Well, if it helps, I tend to believe that less is more. (but that’s just my opinion....)
I am not for censorship, so just stop right there if your were thinking I was going to go in that direction. I am simply saying that, if nothing more, realize that we have two ears and one mouth. Common Sense tells us we should be listening at LEAST twice as often as we are speaking. If you are someone who just loves to hear the sound of your own voice dominating every conversation, then it’s time to change up your game. I am all about listening to varying viewpoints and opinions, but please, before you start in, try this; ask me if I want to hear it.
Before I shoot my mouth off in discussions, I usually have a quick Q & A with myself to avoid wasting others time.
Is your opinion nothing more than an opportunity to bash the opposing view or does it come with respect for the differing mindset? Does your opinion consider both sides to the topic or is it a narrow-minded approach with no room for anyone else with a different experience? Is your opinion really necessary at that moment or are you over-estimating your importance? Do you have any responsibility to the topic? Is the topic in question something that will affect you personally in any way? Are you actively involved in improving the topics subject matter?
Answer these questions truthfully and you’ll see for yourself how easy it is to determine when it is a good and proper time to open your cake-hole.
So am I against opinions? No, not at all. I just happen to be of the mindset that not everything I think needs to be said. Not everything I believe needs to heard. And not everyone needs my influence.
Everyone knows how to speak their opinions but few know when to speak their opinion.

Adversity

“And more importantly, I wouldn't be the person I am today, I wouldn't be where I am now …if it wasn't for the accident.” - Rick Allen (Def Leppard)

By now, you’ve all heard Rick Allen’s story. As the Drummer for the immensely successful Def Leppard, Rick seemed to have everything going for him in 1984. Touring the world promoting their album Pyromania, it seemed there was nothing to stop them from becoming the biggest band in Rock and Roll. At 21 years old, Rick was experiencing success that few on the planet have ever achieved in a lifetime. What could possibly go wrong?

On December 31^st, 1984, the “wrong” came in the form of an Alfa Romeo roadster that had cut Rick off while he was driving is Corvette down a stretch of country road in Sheffield, England. With Road-Rage getting the better of him, he decided to pass his antagonist by putting the Corvette’s capacity to the test. In a matter of seconds the Corvette had not only passed the Alfa Romeo, but it had also spun out of control due to a dangerous curve in the road. His car had sailed over a stone embankment and wound up in a field, upside down and totaled. Rick was thrown from the vehicle and left standing in the filed in a daze, separated from his left arm.

Just like that, Rick would never be the same again.

Fast forward 27 years and Def Leppard are still recording albums and touring to sell out concert venues.

And Rick is still behind his Drum Kit, making as much noise as ever.

Affectionately known as the Thunder God to his band mates and fans, Rick has become one of the finest examples of overcoming adversity that there ever was.

Now you and I might not have to go through such an extreme event as Rick but would you agree with me when I say we will all have to deal with adversity at some point in our lives?

I mean let’s face it, this is life. And life can suck sometimes.

But regardless of its “Suck Factor”, life goes on. It then falls on us as to how life will go on. Do we lie down and let it run us over or do we get up and go toe to toe with it?

It’s a no-brainer folks. You gotta get up. There’s too much at stake.

Now am I going soft here by not addressing the fact that Rick’s decision to be reckless is what cost him his arm? No. Ask Rick himself and I can all but guarantee that he would agree; HE screwed up. Life didn’t hand him lemons. He grabbed those lemons the second his foot hit the accelerator. But he did turn them into lemonade, and that is the point I want to support in this article.

Each and every one of us has faced, or will face difficulties. Some will be big, some will be small. Some will be our own fault, some will be pure accident; a “Wrong Place at the Wrong Time” if you will. The difficulties in life are as certain as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. The only variable will be how we choose to deal with those problems.

In facing adversity you really only have two options; Fight or Flight. For many, when problems come their way, they choose the path of least resistance and let the problems over take them. Simply put, they become the victim. They lack the ability to see beyond the trials and they turn their vision completely inward. These are the folks who would rather throw a pity party as opposed to facing their challenges. They sabotage any chance of bettering themselves by refusing take charge and do whatever it takes to overcome their setbacks.

On the flip side, there are the few that have the uncanny ability to take the crap that life can shell out and turn it to their benefit. They are the Rick Allen’s of the world with that Never Say Die attitude. They take, what would be for many, an impossible situation and then come out an even better person for having gone through it. These are the people who look back on the hell they went through and actually give thanks for it.

Now which one of these are you? Are you the victim who spends all their time feeling sorry for them self or are you the Rick Allen who goes through and comes out even better than before?

It’s one or the other folks, it’s really that simple.

Am I diminishing the severity of your trials? No way. Am I making light of them? Absolutely not. All I hope to do here is to get you to think less of the actual circumstance and focus more on your desired outcome. Once you catch a glimpse of the outcome you want, you can then take your mind off of yourself and put it to use in more productive ways rather than adding to your list of “Why Life Is Unfair.”
Adversities are going to come. Sooner or later, life’s fiery furnace seeks to burn us up and leave us for a pile of ashes. But for those of us who withstand the heat, we will come out as fine gold; purified and more valuable than before.

People Pleasers

“I don’t know the key to success but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” – Bill Cosby
All of us has encountered the People Pleaser. This is the person who is everyone’s friend. This is the person who agrees with everything you say, laughs at all your jokes (no matter how bad they are), and has the same interests as you and the same dislikes as you. If you said black, they would say black. If you changed your mind and said white, so would they. But how sad is this? Could you imagine trying to ensure the happiness of everyone you ever met? Could you imagine bearing the responsibility of accommodating everyone you know?
If you’re like me you’re probably thinking, “Why would anyone want to live like that?”
Who knows? It’s not that these folks don’t have dreams and ambitions of their own but it’s safe to say that their road to success will be littered by unnecessary fear, worry and lack of focus. Their concern will be for what others will think of them as opposed to simply doing what needs to be done in order to achieve their goals. Their focus will be on making everyone around them happy, while making themselves miserable in the process. They will sabotage themselves by limiting their goals to what they perceive as safe and non-threatening to others around them.
There’s no two ways around it; People Pleasing always comes at the expense of the Pleaser. The People Pleaser has decided at some point in their life that they cannot handle rejection nor can they cope with the thought that someone might actually dislike them. Their main objective is to gain the acceptance of everyone they come in contact with, even if it means contradicting their own beliefs and values along the way.
Success, as I have stated before is not complicated. Success is doing what is necessary and good to move closer to your goals. It requires focus and discipline. And sometimes that discipline will offend others along the way. Why? Because you cannot please everyone no matter how hard you try. Like the saying goes, “You can please some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”

Pleasing the Right People

While pleasing everyone will pretty much guarantee you a life of disappointment and failure, pleasing the right people has its share of rewards. It’s all about knowing the difference. So who should you be trying to please? Well, I’m a simple guy and I don’t believe in complicating things, so this question is a no brainer for me. I have a short list of people you should be trying to please on a regular basis.
A) You.
B) Your family.
That’s it. Are you miffed? Were you expecting some lofty Zen-like revelation? Sorry but that’s not this guy. I’m the Common Sense guy remember?
When it comes to pleasing your family and yes, even yourself, there has to be a level of integrity and pride involved. Sacrificing what you want for what your family wants requires a level of integrity. Knowing that you made a commitment to them to provide for them and protect them requires integrity. Giving them your very best requires integrity. The evidence of what you do for them is shown by their appreciation for you, which allows you to take pride in yourself. That pride spills over into what you do at work, what you do outside of your home, what you do in your leisure time, your personal pursuits and your hobbies. Everything you do is done with excellence because you take pride in yourself. You don’t do what you do to please everyone. You don’t do it for eye service. You do what you do for you and for your family. The results just speak for themselves. You find your Boss saying, “Great Job.” You find promotions coming your way because you have better results. All areas of your life are improved upon because you simply do what’s right and what’s best, even when no one is around to watch you.

None of your Business

Dr. Wayne Dyer absolutely nailed it when he said, “What you think about me is none of my business.”
Think about it this way; it is impossible to please everyone. It is. You can’t do it. To worry about what others are thinking about you, really has nothing to do with you at all. What they think about you or anyone else for that matter is entirely their business. So why make it your business?
What they think about you is their opinion. So long as you live and exemplify the principals of integrity and personal responsibility, you can rest assured that you are doing what’s right and good and if it causes others to have a poor opinion of you, then oh well. Consider the source and move on.
Life is only as complicated as we make it. Go ahead and try to please everyone and see where it gets you. I can’t think of a better way to complicate life than by trying to be all things to all people. So keep it simple. Remember that others opinions of you are just that; Opinions. Mind your own business and do everything with excellence. In doing so, you might not please all the people but you will definitely please the right people.

Motives

For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? - Mark 8:36 (King James Version)
So you want to be successful, huh? You want  fame and fortune? You want lots of cash in the bank and even more in your wallet? You want to "Live in hilltop houses driving 15 cars"? (Courtesy, Nickelback)
Or perhaps you've taken the noble approach by saying you only want to provide a good living for your family.
If you want my opinion (and if you're reading this, I can only assume you DO), I say, good for you!
Yep, that's right, I'm one of those silly individuals that think if a person can earn a ton of dough, that's a good thing. You won't hear me saying anything derogatory about those "Evil Rich People". If they earned it, then it's all good with me.
I rather like rich people to honest. I think they're pretty cool. All that "Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous" stuff makes me want to BE rich. I mean who wouldn't want to be able to walk into a Car Dealership and pay cash for a brand new Corvette? Who wouldn't want to be able to write a check for a brand new house knowing full well, your bank account has it covered?
Sign me up!
But before I go any further, may I remind you that I work in the Self Improvement industry. I am committed to Personal Development and Personal Responsibility (I didn't say I was perfect, just committed). If ever there was a topic that should be discussed in this area it is the matter of Motives.
What is your motive? And don't say "To get rich!"
That's not a motive, that's a goal.
Your motive is not the end result, your motive is the WHY behind obtaining the end result.
So again, what is your motive?
You see, motives are mysterious. No one can really say they know the heart of another person. Motives are steeped in the heart of all of us and until we can read eachother's minds, we will never truly know what makes someone else tick.
I can say this though; your motives will make or break you. A person who obtains wealth and success with dishonest and deceitful methods is more than likely motivated by greed and selfish ambition. A person who obtains wealth and success with honest, hard work and good ethics is more than likely motivated with self-less ambition and a concern for others.
Where do you fall in these two options?
Not that these are the only two options, but for the sake of this article, those are the two opposing perspectives I chose to run with. I want to limit the middle-ground and get you thinking in a Black or White mentality.
Not many of us would turn down a truckload of cash and world wide fame, but my main question is what would you do with it? I'll spare the whole "Root of all evil" lecture but I want to get you thinking about the big picture.
I'll assume that you have your goals in place and your methods of obtaining them also in place. Let's just say that it's five years from now and all that hard work paid off. You're swimming in money and you have everything you could have ever imagined. But what did it cost you? Did you let your relationships fall apart? Did you help others who are in need? Did you maintain your integrity? Did you give willingly or out of reluctance? Did you plan for your future? Your children's future?
Let me be so bold to say that whatever your motives are, they will show through. Like it or not, you don't get to live unto yourself. Your true character is on display for all to see and you alone get to decide what will be revealed.
But that's not a bad thing.
Having everything you ever wanted is not a bad thing.
Throwing yourself away in selfish ambition and greed? That's a bad thing.
What ever you may believe about life and death, the fact is you'll be dead a whole lot longer than you will ever be alive so why not aim for a legacy that will continue well after your gone?
Work hard and enjoy the rewards of your labor. But consider your heart. If you struggle with personal accountability then ask others to hold you accountable. At all costs be willing to leave behind a legacy of Honesty, Integrity and Charity.
Obtaining greatness will always have it's price but the virtuous will never be required to exchange their soul. If anything, the ones with the pure motive will find their soul.

The Results Are In

Results. That’s what everyone wants. If you’re reading this or any other Self Help publication, there’s a strong likelihood that you are looking for results. Whether in your personal life, your business life, your relationships or even your finances, you are looking for results.
Let’s face it, results are everything. They’re the reason we do things. They’re the reason we try new things. They’re what motivate us and keep us coming back for more. Why would anyone take on a task, a job, a hobby or any other action if not to obtain the results promised therein? For example, no one takes up guitar lessons only to stop short and say, “That’s enough of that. If I keep this up I might be able to play this thing.”
No one starts a savings plan so they can say, “I don’t really want to earn any interest. I just wanted somewhere else to stash my money.”
Ridiculous, right?
But even more ridiculous in my opinion, is the person who says they want results but won’t do the work that is necessary.
“I want to be a millionaire but I don’t want a job. That will cut into my Oprah time.”
“I want to get in shape but exercise is too long and boring.”
“I want to have a great relationship with my family but do I really have to spend time with them?”
Etc., ad nauseum.
And then there’s the Instant Gratification syndrome. This one, by far, riles me up the most.
It’s the notion that anything and everything should be obtained NOW. Not later, not tomorrow, not next week. NOW.
This mentality has spread faster than a bad rash and has become the poster child for America’s Debt epidemic. When the average American of age carries a Credit Card debt of nearly $8000.00, do you think maybe, just maybe, we could benefit from learning how to set some money aside and save up for an item before purchasing it? Do you think a little patience could be in order?
Apparently not. It’s much easier to just whip out the plastic and go further into debt.
Instant gratification teaches us that if we don’t see results in a matter of minutes or even seconds, then forget it. Why bother?
Why cook a meal if you can nuke a frozen dinner in the microwave? Why learn a skill when there’s a virtual/video game equivalent? Why bother seeking a relationship when there’s a bajillion porn sites on the Internet?
Again I say, ridiculous.
When I started writing in the field of Self Help/Self Improvement, the first thing I thought was,
“Who’s gonna take my word? I’m not an expert.”
But then it occurred to me; who can really claim to be an expert? This is Self help. Not “Dr. Phil’s Help”, not “Dr. Laura’s Help”. Self help.
My job isn’t to be an expert. My job is to make you think. My job is to draw on observations and past experiences and get you to re-think what you’ve been doing and to consider doing things a little different.
You are the Self here, not me. And if it’s Self Help you are looking for, then I would dare say you want results.
But you know what? I can’t give you results. In fact, no one in this business can give you results.
The only person who can give you results is you.
You are the only person who can do the work necessary to achieve the results you want.
I can inspire you to do the work, but you have to be the one to do the work.
I will offer advice, I will motivate and I will sometimes humiliate, but I won’t do the work for you.
Nobody can. It has to be you.
You want better health? Asking someone else to eat healthy and exercise won’t get you in shape.
Want a better job? It won’t happen if someone else goes to the Interview for you.
So what’s holding you back? What are you waiting for?
Your results are directly proportionate to the effort you put in. Talk about it all you want but, but as the Good Book says, “Faith without works is dead.” You have to do in order to have.
So, do you have goals? Do you have a vision? That’s great! You are one step ahead of most. Now it’s time to take some action and move towards those goals. The results you want are there waiting for you to grab them. All you need to do is take one step at a time. Keep moving towards those goals and the results will fall into your lap.
This is about as basic as it gets. There are no shortcuts. There are no secrets. There aren’t “Seven Keys to Success” and there aren’t any Experts. There are a few good ideas but that’s about it.
Your results are waiting for you. The payoff can be as big or as small as you want. It’s entirely up to you.
“Don't tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results.” – George S. Patton.
Go on then. Surprise me.

Liar Liar - Reprise

"If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain
Today I'm going to continue with the subject of Truth and Honesty. And before any of you start to moan, "Again?", just remember this; if you don't want to be lectured about it, then stop giving me something to lecture about.
To me it seems like a simple thing to do, to just be honest, but if you look around it would seem as though telling the truth is almost as difficult as performing brain surgery.
But it's not brain surgery. It's just telling the truth.
The other day I spoke about the importance of telling the truth and being honest in all areas of your life. I reminded you that this is not some new and exciting weapon in the pursuit of success. Truth and honesty are Common-Sense qualities that most of us were taught in Kindergarten. But unlike our ABC's and why we shouldn't run with scissors, this one just didn't stick.
So why do we lie?
Because it's easy. It's easy to lie about something and avoid confrontation, responsibility and accountability. It's much more favorable to take the path of least resistance. It's quicker and less painful. Rather than taking responsibility for our actions, we justify our actions with a nice little piece of fiction and then sweep the issue under a rug.
Problem solved.
Or is it?
How many times have you ever had to come face to face with an ugly little lie from your past? How many times have you sabotaged your future by lying in the present? How many times have you just, plain ol', got busted in a lie?
If you're like most, including me, you've experienced one if not all of these scenarios.
And yet we keep doing it.
Just like children, we don't want mom and dad angry with us. We want the quick and easy way out of our situation and we're willing to risk anything and everything for it.
Do I really need to remind you of how much is at stake when you lie?
Here is a short list of the things you are sabotaging by lying:
1) Your reputation
2) Your integrity
3) Your ability to earn others trust
4) Your peace of mind
5) Your relationships
6) Your career
7) Your future
8) Your pride
So I ask you, is it worth it?
Now many of you will turn this around and say, "But couldn't it be said that I can risk all of those things by telling the truth?"
To which I would say, no. You don't sabotage your integrity by telling the truth. In fact you actually strengthen it.
You don't sabotage your ability for others to trust you by telling the truth. You actually reinforce it.
As for peace of mind; when your head hits the pillow at night you can rest assured that you do not have to juggle the details of an elaborate lie over and over again.
So now let's just simplify it: Lying is bad. Truth and honesty are good.
That's it. It's not complicated. Complicated is for calculus and politicians. Success, Self Improvement and Personal Development are based on common sense, hard work and the simple truths that we've known all along. My job is to remind you of those simple truths and keep you going in the right direction so when the time comes and you are faced with the temptation to lie, for example, you will remember that honesty is the best policy.
It's as simple as that.

Gossip

"Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't." - Earl Wilson
There few things that can really tear relationships or businesses apart like gossip.
You may work with a gossiper. You might even live with a gossiper.
My advice: get away from them. Whatever it takes, do not get caught up in their banter.
Whether they say "I need to vent" or "I have to get something off my chest" it's all the same. Gossip is gossip.
It's destructive and it's cowardly.
If you can't say it to that person's face then you have no business saying it behind their back.